georgeinar - Mausoleum (wish u were here) May 09

georgeinar · Post by **georgeinar** » Fri May 01, 2009 2:55 am

My attempt at straight up industrial goth:

http://www.soundclick.com/util/getplaye ... 06031&q=hi

Mausoleum – wish you were here

Isn’t this a nightmare?
Lost all hope
Hungry politicians
Hooked on dope
Demons on a cat walk
Gods impaled
Turning all the tricks
Where dreams have failed

Side by side
Grave by grave
Each by each
Mouth by mouth

Can I get a headstone
For my bride?
Resting place
Where lovers hide?

Tomb by tomb
Underground
Room by room
Safe and sound

Boom boom boom
All hail the beast
With a brand in his hand
His wrath released

In these stones, we rest our bones
You and me - eternity
Mausoleum cold and damp
Deadly sleeping graveyard camp

Beneath the war boots
Sonic pound
Lie in peace here
Hallowed ground
Put your feet up and
Rest your head
A grave’s a grave and
A bed’s a bed

Tomb by tomb
Underground
Room by room
Safe and sound

Lying here
Among the crosses
Crumbling stones and
Creeping mosses

In these stones, we rest our bones
You and me - eternity
Mausoleum cold and damp
Deadly sleeping graveyard camp

In this mausoleum
Honeymoon day
Erotic hot spot
Wouldn’t you say?

Cast your bets on
Demigods
I get evens
You get odds
Spare the children spoil the rods

Stephen · Post by **Stephen** » Fri May 01, 2009 11:11 am

Where to start

The lyrics are most impressive, how you do that, is way beyond me!
The production might be one of your best ever, very slick, clever, hard driving, and addictive.
The instrumentation really blew me away, the way you use those synths against that cool rhythm is just amazing.
Excellent, George!
I'm blown away...again!

Regards,

Pumpkin King · Post by **Pumpkin King** » Fri May 01, 2009 3:42 pm

Well, it's hard for me to give you any suggestions because you seem to know what you're doing.

If I were to add anything to the song, I'd probably throw in some keyboard solos. But that's just me. And I think that the ending, again, seems abrupt. I was thinking that the pattern you ended it on should be repeated and then you could end in on a G (I'm pretty sure).

Nice job.

georgeinar · Post by **georgeinar** » Fri May 01, 2009 11:31 pm

PumpkinKing: Thanks for the comments. I appreciate any suggestions. Trust me, I consider every comment on my songs, and esp if I get more than one on a certain aspect I will revisit, but only if I agree. I think I would hesitate putting keyboard solos here, as it's just slamming and short and to the point and sometimes I feel that instrumental portions may not be as club friendly, though I do use them occasionally. I kind of like a snappy quick ending in this case when it comes almost as a slap in the face as this one does, or like a whip snap. Usually I will sustain a pad sound and fade that away. In this case I don't want it to sound like a live band so I'm trying to make it sound like computer music intentionally. Also, I have lots of songs on my mp3 player of this dance rock type that stop as soon as it's over and don't have much adornment there, so it's a matter of taste I guess.

Stephen: thanks for your ears and encouragement. I know our styles are at least poles apart, yet we can still support and encourage each other and appreciate the art it takes to pull these suckers off month after month. Because of these OSAMs I am becoming quite the prolific songwriter and this to my own amazement. I'm in such a groove now, I feel like I could write a song a month for the rest of my life, but I will prbly need a break after this year. I'm learning a lot of internet marketing and it is paying off at least a little. In one day I had 250 downloads of an earlier song. Now I just gotta get more people to find me in itunes, it seems itunes has the most commercial potential vs the other sites (which are mostly other artists sharing music). I do need to have a lot of "product" available, if I'm to believe a guy interviewed on cdbaby. He said if you do get some fans you need to have a lot of things for them to buy (think cd's), because some people will luv you and want to have all of your cds so the more the merrier. Heck I should print up some 2loose Tshirts, but who could afford to front th emoney and would anyone even buy them?? Well, I'm having a ball anyway, thats the main thing.

ellll · Post by **ellll** » Sat May 02, 2009 3:33 pm

Hi George,

The song is from...... ?-? welll... SOMEWHERE!!! , the graveyard I assume....

And it shows, as usual !!! The lyrics indeed as said already....are SPOT ON!! And that's for me as well , and it's a great and lumping weight.... !

You have a way of concept transformation into words that really works!!! It FITS... almost always when you write!! If I tried it my words would be silly put together with the music....!!

The melodic material is great and the harmony supports it well ... The change-outs and breaks are indeed in place....

There is nothing to give a negative comment on here... It is just flat GOOD!!!

Best Regards, John (ellll)

georgeinar · Post by **georgeinar** » Sun May 03, 2009 10:32 pm

Ellll: I'm so glad you enjoyed this. I think what makes the lyrics stronger here is the use of words such as ground and pound. Boom boom boom. It's a marching stomping monster of a lyric to music which hopefully is doing the same. While my last cd was leaning toward space glam aliens and galactic dreams, I'm now delving back to my goth roots. Groups like Black Sabbath and others used to be all I listened to, so I'm coming around full circle with some of these darker pieces, but still humorous and danceable, hopefully. Also, I'm thinking about doing more fetish subject matter, such as what I did with my Great Dictator, which was like a role playing weirdness with this guy and his girl. Could be fun as well. Dominatrix music, why not.

pwmccredie · Post by **pwmccredie** » Sun May 31, 2009 6:38 pm

Whatever this is...its done well. The content believes in itself, making it true.
a grave is a grave and a bed is a bed...

You can kinda feel this song in your chest and smell it on your breath when you are done with it...

joet63 · Post by **joet63** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 8:53 am

Hi George, where did you get those synth sounds they were so cool!, sweeping back and forth. I like this song, it was so good, like others have said you know what you're doing, so I won't attempt to say anything, well done George.

joe

georgeinar · Post by **georgeinar** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 10:41 am

the basic synth there are from the Radias, i use radias for all my buzzy synth leads as they have such a nice crispness, and thanks for all your comments, i do appreciate. This cd is coming along month by month.